Pot Pie of Fire (aka, Don’t Broil a Pot Pie)

Yeah, that’s pretty obvious now isn’t it?  This brilliant idea is brought to you by the Hippos of Hunger, Insanity of Late Evening, and a completely failed intelligence check.  Common Sense was on vacation I suppose.

From time to time we have a chicken pot pie.  We have a local farm that prepares them with Happy Meat [1] and sometimes Good Vegetables [2].  They are packaged in a convenient aluminum container with a cardboard cover that has the directions on it.  The directions include “Remove this Before Cooking”.

This is the point where I note that this is a reason why I started this blog.  This is one of those simple plans that went crazy because of a simple step overlooked.  It’s a silly story, it’s a simple story, it made a few people laugh when I told it in person.  So why not laugh here too?

And so, after it’s directed 50 minutes of being in the oven, the result was a very hot pot pie with a completely uncooked top crust.  The crust could have been removed and the contents used otherwise, but a good idea at the time seemed to be to broil it for a short bit to quickly cook the crust.

This is where Hunger + Late Evening + FAIL comes into play.

So setting the broiler on Hi (FAIL!) I set a timer for 10 minutes and walk away (Lo and “stayed to watch it intently” would have been smarter…).  Right around the time I thought I smelled something cooking I headed out into the kitchen to find flames ever so gently licking at the oven window.

Of course, I opened the oven instead of turning it off.  Why?  Because I’m a man and it is fire!  I must play with the fire first!  And, like any good adventurer, something on fire doesn’t say “Danger!!!” it says “please inspect me more closely, you know you want to.”

And so I still ended up with a pot pie, with very hot contents, and a completely unusable crust.

The end result was simple.  I believe forms of this were called “SOS” in the military, how appropriate.  Basically, put it on toast.  Uncomplicated, and easy to do in the late evening.  Besides, I’ve never lit toast on fire… yet.



[1] Happy Meat is what we like to call the locally raised meat which is at least Free Range, though not always Organic despite the farms commitment to feeding them “good food”.  From everything we know about this farm, they do try.  They just can’t guarantee absolutely organic intake by their animals.

[2] Good Vegetables is my name for those that I believe are local or came from a well-intended co-op.  Again, absolutely conclusive evidence here is lacking, but the local farm doesn’t give me that Used Car Salesman vibe in any form.


4 thoughts on “Pot Pie of Fire (aka, Don’t Broil a Pot Pie)

  1. According to everything I’ve read, it is “better” to find locally sourced, grass fed (or free range) meat that isn’t marketed as organic rather than meat that -is- marketed as organic. Here’s why:

    1) Organic certification laws make no provision for animals that get sick. If your cow catches some bacterial infection or gets a cold and you want to sell “organic” meat, you CANNOT treat that cow with antibiotics. In other words, in the name of happier cows plural, you have to make singular cows suffer. STUPID LAWS.

    2) Organic meat has to eat organic certified food. This means taking organic vegetable matter out of the human food supply and giving it to animals. This not only drives up the price of the meat for no reason but also drives up the price of organic produce by reducing supply. Meat raised on grass pasturing is almost certainly not “organic” but is all around better, ethically, than meat which was trough fed organic feed.

    3) other reasons I won’t bore you with.

    Read “Compassionate Carnivore” if you haven’t yet.

  2. I am a horribly slow reader these days. That is on my list of books to read though.

    Free Range and Organic are frustrating because they are mutually exclusive in practice. About the only way to get that would be to have a farm environment like a Biodome. But the thought of someone like Paulie Shore raising my livestock is scary…

  3. Tendercrop and Green Meadows are both “local” without being “organic” – at least the meat. The veggies are both. Tendercrop beef grows up on grassy pastures. Green Meadows pigs have a sizable piece of woods to root around in. Chickens are in large outdoor enclosures with coop access (or running loose if they are bold enough to fly over the fence). I am so happy to have a couple of places like this so close by.

    The remnants of the pot pie were not, in fact, put on toast. They were doused with water from the putting out of the fire, so they were “drained” and refrigerated. And the next day YOUR WIFE made a KICK ASS shepherd’s pie out of them!

    I am in no way a high-level Kleric, nor do I want to be, but this is what I did…

    Take frozen pie crust out of freezer.
    Add layer of chicken from the pot pie fail.
    Chop & add leftover roasted veggies – carrots & parsnips.
    Smear a batch of instant potato on top.
    Bake. (I can’t remember how long but I think it was a safe “1/2 hour on 350).

    And it was damn good. Mostly thanks to the flavor of those leftover roast veggies.

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